Happiness is Contagious

Recently we read this essay from a handbook filled with wisdom entitled, The Parents Tao Te Ching: Ancient Advice for Modern Parents by William Martin (Marlowe & Co., 1999). As we re-read this piece, we realized it shares great parenting advice—but also offers a good bit of wisdom useful for self-reminding as well. You may need to read it a few times and really think about this to fully conceive the message, as it is counter-intuitive to how most of us think and motivate both ourselves and others. Enjoy.

If you always compare your children’s abilities to those of great athletes, entertainers and celebrities they will lose their own power.
If you urge them to acquire and achieve, they may learn to cheat and steal to meet your expectations.

Encourage your children’s deepest joys, not their superficial desires.
Praise their patience, not their ambition.
Do not value the distractions and diversions that masquerade as success.
They will learn to hear their own voice instead of the noise of the crowd.

If you teach them to achieve they will never be content.
If you teach them contentment, they will naturally achieve everything.

We all want our children to be happy.
Somehow, some way today show them something that makes you happy, something you truly enjoy. Your own happiness is contagious.

They learn the art from you.

Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.

Thich Nhat Hahn is a Vienamese Buddhist monk whose lifelong efforts to generate peace and reconciliation moved Martin Luther King, Jr. to nominate him for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1967. He has written many excellent books; we recommend them all. Here is an excerpt from his book, Happiness, (Parallax Press, 2009).

Taking Refuge

When we find ourselves in dangerous or difficult situations, or when we feel like we are losing ourselves, we can practice taking refuge. Instead of panicking or giving ourselves up to despair, we can put our trust in the power of self-healing, self-understanding, and loving within us. We call this the island within ourselves in which we can take refuge. It is an island of peace, confidence, solidity, love and freedom. Be an island within yourself. You don’t have to look for it elsewhere.

We want to feel safe and protected. We want to feel calm. So when a situations seems to be turbulent, overwhelming, full of suffering, we have to practice taking refuge (in the Buddha, the Buddha in ourselves.) Each of us has the seed (of Buddhahood,) the capacity for being calm, understanding, compassionate, and for taking refuge in the island of safety within us so we can maintain our humanness, our peace, our hope. Practicing like this, we become an island of peace and compassion, and we may inspire others to do the same.

Practice:
Recite this to return to yourself, wherever you are:
Breathing in, I go back to the island within myself.
There are beautiful trees within the island.
There are cool streams of water,
There are birds, sunshine and fresh air.
Breathing out, I feel safe.

We are like a boat crossing the ocean. If the boat encounters a storm and everyone panics, the boat will turn over. If there is one person in the boat who will remain calm, that person can inspire others to be calm. Then there will be hope for the whole boatload. Who is that person who can stay calm in the situation of distress? Each of us is that person. We count on each other.

Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.

Growing up there were times I dreaded being in the car with our mother. Randomly, she would brake for yard sales, tag sales, any kind of sales. Worse, sometimes there wasn’t even a sale. It might have been something she saw sitting around in someone’s yard and she would brazenly pull into their driveway and say, “I see (whatever) has been sitting around in your yard awhile. Do you want to get rid of it?”

As a teenager, I found this mortifying. I’d protest: “What if someone sees me with my mother who likes junk!?” That junk that happened to include a dresser that my mom found on a porch, covered in dull green paint, that she painstakingly hand stripped and gave to me as a present. It is made of beautiful oak and is still my dressing table today, 40 years later!

As the saying goes, “We learn what we live with.” Today I am so glad about that. You see, I love garage sales too. I trained my own two children since they were babies to go on what I call “treasure hunts.” They love to join me. They especially like when I give them a dollar and people give them things for free because “they’re well-mannered and cute.” I love the fact that it was an easy way to start to teach the value of a dollar, which lately seems to hardly buy anything.

What have garage sales, flea markets, junk shops, etc. taught me? Tons! Even more lessons than the bargains I’ve purchased. Here’s my starter list:

1. The value of a dollar. For kids of all ages–how to perceive value, negotiate, pay and get the correct change is an invaluable lesson.

2. That one man’s junk is truly another’s treasure. We all like and value things differently.

3. There’s money to be made any number of ways. Even old, dirty, empty jelly jars often sell for more than they did full of jelly!

4. You’ve got to know how to give good directions. Like anything in life, if people don’t know the when’s, where’s, why’s or how to get there, failure is likely.

5. Don’t believe all advertisements. Often people are just hoping someone takes their junk away for a profit.

6. Words can have 2 meanings. “Estate Sale” is not always a sale at a mansion! It could mean someone who didn’t have a pot to piss in died and someone is trying to settle their “estate” with a garbage sale.

7. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I’ve filled apartments and homes with my “treasures” all found at tag sales and flea markets. Everyone always compliments me on the warmth of my dwellings.
8. Work can unveil hidden surprises. I’ve found great gold jewelry in $1.00 bins; Rookwood pottery; cufflinks from the 1920s for $10 dollars that now sell for $75; antique oak pieces that were hidden under horrific green paint. If you’re willing to take the time to work at cleaning something up, taking the time to polish a rough finish, you might be delightfully surprised that you’ve found something very valuable.

9. We need to honor our elders. That old ladies at church sales are the best cooks ever! I’ve hosted guests offering “homemade breads and cookies” thanks to some wonderful church sales.

10. Pay attention to where you are going…because you will ultimately want to get back home!

Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.

We absolutely love StumbleUpon.com. The only thing we don’t love is sometimes it is very hard to determine the source of an article, essay or list. The following list of instructions for life is worthy of reposting this week. Again, let the author please stand up and we will give you due credit.

All of us could benefit by printing this, carrying it in our pockets, hanging it on our refrigerators, or posting it on our computer screens so we can use it as a regular reminder of a few basics for a living life with greater gusto.

1. Have a firm handshake.
2. Look people in the eye.
3. Sing in the shower.
4. Own a great stereo system.
5. If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
6. Keep secrets.
7. Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.
8. Always accept an outstretched hand.
9. Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.
10. Whistle.
11. Avoid sarcastic remarks.
12. Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90% of all your happiness or misery.
13. Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
14. Lend only those books you never care to see again.
15. Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.
16. When playing games with children, let them win.
17. Give people a second chance, but not a third.
18. Be romantic.
19. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
20. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.
21. Don’t allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It’s there for your convenience, not the caller’s.
22. Be a good loser.
23. Be a good winner.
24. Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.
25. When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.
26. Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.
27. Keep it simple.
28. Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.
29. Don’t burn bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.
30. Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets.
31. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the things you did.
32. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
33. Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.
34. Take charge of your attitude. Don’t let someone else choose it for you.
35. Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.
36. Begin each day with some of your favorite music.
37. Once in a while, take the scenic route.
38. Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, ‘Someone who thinks you’re terrific.’
39. Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.
40. Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.
41. Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.
42. Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.
43. Make someone’s day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.
44. Become someone’s hero.
45. Marry only for love.
46. Count your blessings.
47. Always compliment the meal when you’re a guest in someone’s home.
48. Wave at the children on a school bus.
49. Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.
50. Don’t expect life to be fair. (Author’s Note: And as satirist P.J. O’Rourke so thought provokingly says, “And pray it never gets fair.”

You may or may not agree with all of these suggestions. However, if you spend some time contemplating them and examining your own thoughts on each of them, you will find that your whole life takes on deeper meaning and richness.

Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.

Count Your Blessings (Element, 1997) is a great book by Dr. John F. Demartini. The pages offer lots of quick passages of wisdom, so it was hard to choose a favorite. But here goes.

“Tell me what you brag about, and I’ll tell you what you lack.” – Spanish proverb

Key points:

• Humility keeps you from rising too high with elation and sinking too low with depression.
• Take no credit; take no blame. Just love.
• When you practice love and gratitude with humility, you evolve to a greater sphere of living.
• True glory is the reward of humble service.

Humility is an essential ingredient for growth. It prevents arguments, ends our need to be defensive, and crowns us with honor. It breeds respect, attracts attention and cultivates friendships. Humility helps us remember that we have a great deal to learn. The wisest recognize that they actually know very little. No matter how much we know, when compared with the magnificent universe we live in, our knowledge is only a pebble in the eternal stream of consciousness.

The Truth is…

• When you humbly turn the credit you receive over to others, your magnetism grows.
• Linking your inspired acts of service to your ultimate purpose attracts energy and resources.

Reflect…

• Recall a time when you helped someone achieve his or her goal and, as a result, you received help from them or others to achieve your goal.
• Think of a situation when—just as you were patting yourself on the back with pride—the rug was pulled out from under you.
• Recall an event or situation when you did a wonderful job or made a remarkable accomplishment, but remained humble about your own performance and turned the praise you received over to others. Close your eyes and relive the feeling of warmth and the glow of love you felt inside your heart at that moment.

Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.

Mark Twain, American author and humorist, best known for his fabulous characters Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, once quipped: “If I had more time, I’d have written a shorter letter.”

Having worked with refining business messages for the past twenty plus years, we know there is always a challenge in getting any point across in few words.

This week we offer some great proverbs that have withstood the test of time. Their culture of origination is credited, but if you search through quotes of wisdom long and hard enough—you find out their advice is universal. Any or all are worthy of regular reflection or, better, memorization. The goal is to have them serve as a personal prompt or reminder that there are better days ahead when the going gets rough.

Please pick at least one (or as many as you like!) and spend some time reflecting on their words and meaning at regular intervals during the next few hours, days and months. Print the list or at least your favorites and carry them in your wallet or better yet, commit them to memory.

“Never miss a good chance to shut up.” – American Cowboy wisdom

“Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.” – Sicilian proverb

“An ounce of patience is worth a pound of brains.” – Dutch proverb

“A word to the wise is sufficient.” – Latin proverb

“To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.” – Chinese proverb

“A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.” – Italian proverb

“Write the bad things that are done to you in sand, but write the good things that happen to you on a piece of marble.” – Arabic proverb

“If you want to give God a good laugh, tell him your plans.” – Yiddish proverb

“No matter how far you have gone on the wrong road, turn back.” – Turkish proverb

“Beginning is easy; continuing is hard. Fall seven times, stand up eight. ” – Japanese proverb

“Even nectar is poison if taken in excess.” – Hindu proverb

“Who goes a-borrowing, goes a-sorrowing.” – English proverb

“How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward.” – Spanish proverb

“You’ll never plow a field by turning it over in your mind.” – Irish proverb

“When the fox preaches, take care of your geese.” – French proverb

“If man is as wise as a serpent, he can afford to be as harmless as a dove.” – Cheyenne proverb

“Don’t be afraid to cry. It will free your mind of sorrowful thoughts.” – Hopi saying

“Do not tell the man carrying you that he stinks.” – Sierra Leone proverb

“Remember that your children are not your own, but are lent to you by the Creator.” – Mohawk proverb

“He who would do great things should not attempt them all alone.” – Seneca proverb

“Advice would be more acceptable if it didn’t conflict with our plans.” – New England proverb

Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.

According to answers.com, the term “The Devil’s Advocate” means: One who argues against a cause or position, not as a committed opponent but simply for the sake of argument or to determine the validity of the cause or position.

There’s a lot of learning to be gained by taking the Devil’s Advocate position. The reason for this is: Many of us form beliefs and hold them near and dear to our hearts without any thought going into the belief, its validity and even whether or not we really do believe it! In The TurboCharged Mind, co-authors Dian Griesel, Ph.D. and Tom Griesel point out that “As children, we are all told and ‘conditioned’ to the idea—that we have to get along with others. Often those who guided us were well-intentioned people who were busy, lacking time, tired and stressed—much like many of us today. As a result we learned that when we acted from ‘who we are,’ we got in trouble. We were told to ‘listen, I know, I have experience,’ and to ignore our own perceptions and realities. Not complying with the directions we were being given often meant that we got in trouble. Accordingly, we either began to believe that something was wrong with us, or we simply decided that we didn’t want to get in trouble again. So to avoid the wrath of others, we began to alter who we are, what we believe, what we say, and what we do to be more in line with the beliefs of others. We did this because at some level we believed this would make life easier. Somehow, the fact that we are all “human be-ings’…got lost along our way to adulthood. None of this is our fault or anyone else’s. It’s just the process of human existence. We all have egos. We all think we know something and that we can make someone’s life better. So, like it or not, all that others have shared with us—whether with good or bad intentions—results in the indisputable fact that we are not really such original thinkers at all. We are each subconsciously ingrained with so many opinions from those we respect and love that they consciously or unconsciously become our own opinions—for better or for worse, for our ultimate pain or pleasure, for satisfying or dissatisfying experiences and for a healthy or unhealthy life.”

So, where does this leave us? Are we doomed?

Let’s get real. First off, believing something is not a badge of honor or power. Beliefs are really just opinions that are usually not allowed up for discussion. The stronger your beliefs, the more conviction you have that others who disbelieve whatever you believe are wrong. Often the stronger our belief, the more righteous we feel. What side we are on, doesn’t matter. Strong misplaced beliefs come in all shapes and forms and really only serve to alienate us from others, love and happiness.

The stronger your belief, the less you can hear an opposing perspective. I once heard someone say, “Where there is a strong belief, there is a closed door.”

Choose your beliefs carefully. Never be afraid to challenge them. Be your own Devil’s Advocate. And, don’t be surprised if in the process you find out that some of your beliefs strengthen and others no longer fit. Honest scrutiny ultimately makes for happier human’s be-ing.

Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.

Not too long ago, while listening to a group of 7 year olds, dissention arose from a rather intense discussion. One of them was apparently upset which prompted another to say, “You get what you get and you don’t get upset.” A chorus of “yeses” from the others was sounded and the dispute seemed to resolve.

Who knew that a 7 year old could espouse such wisdom? Of course, the child may have been simply reciting something they heard from an adult, but the collective wisdom of the group held.

Happiness in life can be broken down to mere moments of accepting whatever hand we have been dealt and deciding to do our best to move forward, onward and upward. None of this is to say that we have to “like” anything about the moment—but instead this is about accepting that we need to work with or live through whatever the given situation holds.

Things happen. We trip, we fall, and we get hurt. We love, we are loved back and we lose love. We rise, we shine, and we fail. We decide, we choose, sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.

Much happens that is entirely out of our control. In fact, most of what happens is out of our control. We are unable to affect or anticipate most outcomes—despite how hard we pray, wish or try. Sometimes these events are incredibly and deeply painful; a pain that seems it will never cease.

Wise and happier people choose to go with the flow. To acceptingly work with a situation instead of fighting against it. This is not the same as bowling over and allowing injustice to occur. Rather, as the Serenity Prayer reminds us, it is an attitude and thinking adjustment perfectly and simply stated in these words:”God, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

When challenged by misfortune or tragedy, you can only make life better one way: Deal with whatever hand you’ve been dealt because life is much easier if, you get what you get and you don’t get upset.

Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.

About a year ago, on a beautiful spring day, I was walking down lower Broadway in New York City. I was deep in thought having a conversation with myself when I noticed some people appeared to be looking at me strangely. Why? I didn’t know. However, shortly thereafter, I startled myself, too, when I realized the conversation I was having was not exclusively in my head—but rather was being discussed out loud! Mortified was I, to say the least.

I’m sure I was quite scary considering the conversation in my mind (and inadvertently coming out of my mouth!) involved a replay of what I thought I “should” have said during an upsetting conversation. I was replaying the conversation, with probably very little reality of actual events and coloring it with all sorts of altered and intense emotions, as I was injecting what I wanted to have said, but hadn’t.

This kind of replaying isn’t exclusive to me. We all use our wildest imaginary skills to right our wrongs, attempt to extract justice and to simply vent. We try to re-write both conversations and situations where we didn’t say what we wished we’d said or acted as we might have. We do what we call “The Replay” over and over and over despite that fact that the conversation and situation are in the past.

We can really work our emotions up to a full tilt situation if we want to get going, replaying just about anything. We start thinking about who said what. How someone looked at us. The tone of their voices. We embellish. We add largesse. We scramble emotions, words, actualities, references, and everything else. “If only’s” start to enter the replay. And, “if only’s” are nothing more than a subconscious way to beat ourselves up and withhold forgiveness of ourselves and others.

We replay things differently wanting desperately to believe that if we replay it enough the outcome might be different. Maybe we wouldn’t make the same choice. Maybe we would have chosen our words more carefully. Maybe we’d have been more careful. Maybe we’d have done our homework. Maybe we’d have been kinder. Maybe, maybe, maybe. The list of “what if’s” and “if only’s” is endless.

Ultimately imagination takes over. We no longer have a clear grasp on what might have happened. Instead, the Replay becomes our reality.

We replay to feel better: to sooth our hurt egos; to comfort ourselves; to attempt to heal hurts; to justify our hurtful actions to others.

The Replay doesn’t feel good. It keeps us stuck. It keeps us focused on the past instead of embracing the present moment. The present moment which is the only moment we have to effect change.

Next time you find yourself going into Replay mode, become aware. Do your best to stop the conversation. Practice: H.A.L.T. by asking if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Or maybe, you need to apologize to someone, even if that someone is yourself.

Take a deep breath and let the thought go. There is no reality or good that ever comes from replaying conversations, situations or life events. All they do is draw us back to pain and discomfort. Don’t give the Replay any power. It is powerless over your life today and meaningless. We cannot go back in time. We can only go forward.

The next time you are tempted to Replay, breath and send yourself some love. We are all doing the best we can at any given moment in time. And guess what?

Exactly as you are is good enough.

Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.

Several years ago, a former Army Captain who worked for us, made a copy of a note card that he carried with him in his wallet. After reading what he said amounted to his personal paraphrasing of 12 Leadership Tips from Colin Powell, we’ve been carrying the note cards in our wallets, too. Here we share them.

1. Work Positive…it’s an attitude thing.
2. Face your fear.
3. Watch the crowd…and go in the opposite direction.
4. Know value.
5. All opportunities are disguised as problems.
6. People who live by the golden rule get the gold.
7. Money is attracted to good ideas.
8. You are your wealth.
9. There is no failure, only feedback.
10. One + Work saves legwork.
11. Routine brings results.
12. There are no wealth secrets.

Common Sense + Action = Power

Considering the General’s impressive career…his points might be worth carrying around in your wallet, too.

Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.